Who am I? What kind of life do I want to lead? Am I living that life to the fullest? What do I believe in? What is worth standing up and fighting for? What am I interested in and passionate about? What do I want to do next in my life? Where do I want my career to go? How can I best contribute my gifts to the world? What on earth am I here for?
As I am getting ready to go back to work tomorrow after 9 wonderful yet challenging weeks off for maternity leave, I find myself thinking about these questions. I have been going through a slight identity crisis and being in sweats at home and taking care of a newborn and a toddler has left me little energy to focus on myself (or anything else). The only thing I have literally been for 9 straight weeks is a loving but completely worn out mama!
I am not talking about who I am in the roles I play – a devoted wife, a loving mother, a loyal friend, etc. Yes, these relationships play such a vital role in my essential make-up and are the core of my life, they are not absolute when it comes to my self-identity. When I strip down these relationships and roles, I am referring to defining who I am as an individual. As a strong, confident 28-year old woman that can contribute my own talents, passions and imagination to society, separate from these roles, in hopes of improving our world – and all for the glory of God.
After major events in my life, such as getting married or after the birth of both of my children, I am inevitably a changed person. I like to use these events as an opportunity to redefine myself because it can be so easy to get caught up in motherhood that I could just lose myself to the role. While being a mother is the greatest thing I will do, it is not all I am. I am someone who is constantly evolving, learning and searching for a deeper purpose, I am yet again faced with the question of: who am I?