My whole life I have been a perfectionist, a control-freak. My husband says it is a severe form of OCD. It stems from years and years of making straight As, striving to be valedictorian, wanting to be the best on every basketball and volleyball team I have played on, hating to be wrong, and having a twin sister that has done everything equally, if not better than that. We have a deep-rooted sense of competition between us that has always kept us on our toes and on our game. Getting through school and college, this has served me well, earning me top grades, graduating with honors, landing a job right out of school and excelling at my career.
To be honest, I feel trapped by it. I hate constantly cleaning every speck in my house, although I can hardly stop myself. Everything always has to be perfect, not an inch out of place and it literally drives me nuts if it is not, at which point I HAVE to fix it until it is. Why? When will it ever end? I am missing out on living my life because I am too busy trying to perfect it.
Having a baby has changed many things about who I am and this, fortunately, is one of the things I am getting better at. With a small child in my house, it is never perfect. There is always a little chaos and I’ve learn to let go much more that I would have ever dreamed I am capable of. I am way too busy to be perfect and I am becoming more and more ok with that. Life is way too short to try to be perfect and it’s something that I’ll never be.
When I find myself tensing up or feel the need to take control, I take a deep breath and let it go. A whole new me is emerging and I enjoy not being uptight. I have developed a more free spirit over the past years, enjoying little messy moments that are my life. I am loving the care-free, go-with-the-flow element that having a kid inevitably brings and have found that this attitude has overflowed in other areas of my life, generally making me much much happier. There are surprises and delights around every corner and I am having the most fun I have ever had enjoying each moment.
So if you are self-proclaimed perfectionist – let it go. Enjoy life’s messy moments.
Live green, love green,